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Dennis Kucinich
on the campaign trail]] Former Ohio Representative (10th District), Dennis Kucinich is a small woodland creature and Communist nerd candidate for the 2008 Presidential Elections. Born a pacifist leprechaun in an enchanted grove in Ohio, Kucinich grew up reading the works of Kurt Vonnegut and Vladimir Lenin. Many people don't feel he's old enough (or tall enough) to run for President. But little Dennis will show them. Just like he did in 2004! In 2007, Mr. Kucinich dared to threaten to announce that he might try to impeach The Greatest Vice President Ever, Dick Cheney! Not gonna happen, Dennis! Not with Alberto Gonzales around! Oh, wait... Hating Cheney (and thus, America) On November 6, 2007, Mr. Kucinich introduced a resolution calling for the impeachment of The Greatest Vice President Ever! Factoids *Dennis always carries a copy of the Communist Manifesto in his pocket. *He always worries about his lucky charms *Dennis saw a UFO in washington state. One of the aliens from the craft was left behind. Dennis brought him home and hid it in is closet(so his mother wouldnt find out). *When Dennis grows up he wants to be just like Fidel Castro! *His paternal grandfather was the Lorax *Has one of the hottest wives ever. Jason Jones has attempted to bone her, but he lacked sufficient "game". *Dennis represents the lollypop guild. *Dennis is married to Her.....(WTF)!?!? *Dennis's youngest brother, Perry Kucinich, was found dead in his home. Steven just assumed Dennis did it. Controversy Apparently Mr. Kucinich believes Tony Bennett deserved Stephen's Emmy. Where do you get that from, Mr. Kucinich, if that's your real name!? What Is In Dennis' Pockets? Dr. Colbert described the already discovered contents of some of Mr. Kucinich's pockets on The Colbert Report * a prayer from St. Francis of Assissi, which says: "Lord, make me an instrument of your peace" * a pocket Constitution * an AFL-CIO membership card * 1960's Topps card of Indian's slugger Rocky Colavito * a fragment from Spanish philosopher Miguel De Unamuno that says: "Only he who attempts the absurd is capable of achieving the impossible."Which is nothing like Voltaire's often-quoted line: "Those who can make you believe absurdities can make you commit atrocities." It does, however, explain Kucinich's absurdly hot wife. * a used tea bag * a 29-year-old, ridiculously beautiful wife Rumplestiltskin Responds To Dr. Colbert's Challenge Accepted Dr. Colbert's challenge to appear and empty his pockets in a new segment called: By The Pocket's Red Scare What else does Kucinich carry around? On October 15, 2007, Kucinich emptied his pockets onto The C-Desk revealing: * The Communist Manifesto * a pocket Magna Carta * His lucky charms * a tea cup, tea pot with water, and sugar (or more likely some type of communist sweetener) * A pocket Rosetta Stone * the Pocket Stephen Colbert * Pocket I Am America (And So Can You!) (after Dr. Colbert gave him a pocket-sized copy) The Colbert Bump? According to a poll conducted by Howard Dean's communist outfit, "Democracy for America (DFA)", Dennis Kucinich did indeed receive The Colbert Bump as shown in the graph at right. Amazing. Kucinich-mentum * Dennis Kucinich at Campaigns Wikia * Kucinich for President * Have you seen his wife? DAMN! How'd that happen? *Kucinich Support Death Panels and Socialized Medicine! Footnotes